Part of myself wants to forget this day.
Part of myself wants to remember it always. It was a beautiful day, we had the most amazing, magical morning. I also found myself deeply connected to the universe that day. And thats the part I choose i never forget,
We spent the morning just walking around in a winter wonderland, For some reason my gut told me to bring my camera and capture our adventure. And I did,.
After we returned back to town, I remember Bobby saying he wanted to take our daughter to the motocross store to get her riding boots. And went along. It wasn't more then 30 minutes into our little shopping trip I started to feel sick. I went to the bathroom and stood there like" What the heck is happening?!" I came out and told Bobby that I needed to get home, like RIGHT NOW! It was drizzly outside and he handed me his keys so that I could go climb up in the truck while he checked out. I walked out to the truck, opened the passenger door and started throwing up. I couldn't stop. McKenzie came out and I said, " Tell your dad to hurry.' He rushed out and drove us home while I held a cup in my hands over my face. As soon as we got home the pain worsen. I lived in the Bathroom for an hour, crying. I couldn't get comfortable and I couldn't stop throwing up. Then the pain simmered. I thought " okay I got this! I'll go lay down and when I wake up it will have passed." I climbed up on my bed only to sink down the other side in pain again. There was no position, no pressure point that effected this pain. I had put on a night gown cause Anything touching my body was brutal.
Then all of a sudden a surge of pain radiated throughout my entire body, My back, My 30 week pregnant belly. It was THE most pain I have ever felt in my life. I thought I was dying. I was crying on the bed, praying asking every angel I knew to protect us. Get us through this. I promised myself I could endure any pain I had to go through as long as my baby was safe! I remember praying out loud, begging God to be with us, Keep us safe. I'm choking up thinking about it....
I heard the kids in the other room asking my husband if I was going to be okay, I knew they were scared. I tried to hard to stay quite and not let them hear my pain. But it was so intense I couldn't keep that energy inside.
I was trying to focus on breathing, I heard a voice say. " Get to Labor and Delivery" I was hesitant because the last thing I wanted was to leave the kids at home and sit in the hospital, only to be released hours later. I thought to myself," No. I can endure this. It will pass.' "GET TO LABOR AND DELIVERY!!" I pulled myself off the bed, yelled for Bobby. I said," I need you to drive me to labor and delivery! Right now." I walked out to the car, climbed in and sat there waiting, for what felt like forever for Bobby to come out.
We drove to the old hospital and the drive itself felt like we hit every red light, Stuck behind the slowest drivers. But we made it and bobby helped my walk up to the front counter. We picked up the phone at the doors and i felt myself sinking, barely able to stand the pain, the doors opened immediately and nurses rushed to meet us. They ushered us into a room where they put the monitors on me and my belly. I started throwing up again. I don't remember questions or what else happened, but I do remember them saying that the Baby's heart beat was at 60bpm. I didnt know at the time, but they had said if we had waited just 30 more minutes Brooklyn probably would have died.
A man came in and introduced himself to us while the nurses started to remove my jewelry. They were unlocking the brakes on my hospital bed, and the man said. " Amie, we have to take your Baby. Now."
Take my baby? What was happening?! I heard someone tell Bobby they were going to roll me in for an emergency C-section. I remember them trying to get an IV in me only to blow my vains because I was so dehydrated. 5 attempts and one epidural later I was laying on a table being asked, " Can you feel this?" The Dr was poking my lower stomach with a scalpel. Umm YES i felt that! The nurse even told the Dr, Epidural hasn't kicked in, she says she felt it. "We don't have time!" He said and proceeded to cut my stomach open. I arched back and screamed in pain. I could see Bobby through the window behind me watching, my oxygen mask was muffling my cries. "Little pressure." The nurse said. "Little?" I thought. Almost as she said that I felt them pull Brooklyn out. The epidural kicked in. and I could breathe. "Look to your left and you'll see your baby!"
I turned my head quickly. All I saw was a person hurrying by and the tiniest leg dangling down. The Drs ended up remove a softball tumor that was attached to my lower intestines. I'm almost positive that it's what started all this. After I was closed up I was moved to a room to be monitored, where the Dr in charge of the NICU came in to talk to me. I dont remember anything he said. But Bobby was with her and I knew I could rest. They moved me up to the Mom and Baby section, where Mamas recover and go home with their little bundles of joy. I was so weak and still so nauseous. I tried 3 times to get downstairs to the NICU to see my baby. I couldn't get past the elevators before they turned my wheelchair around and took me back to my room. That night was the longest. I heard babies in the other rooms with their mommies, while mine laid downstairs on a case, I didnt even know what she looked like. How alive was she? Was she going to make it?
I did eventually get down there. I was wheeled into her room and placed my hand on this big plastic case she was in. I sobbed and Bobby sobbed. She was alive, But we had no idea the journey ahead of us.